The Joys of Crank-Mail and Bad Gematria

I got my first real crank-mail in response to my blog, and while it's too long to post in its entirety, I thought I'd pull some excerpts from it, and post them for a laugh. As I've mentioned once or twice, I'm Jewish, and this is sort of a poor mans version of something from the Jewish spiritualist tradition, called gematria. Now, in my oh-so-humble opinion, gematria is a fun and interesting game to play, as long as you always remember that it's a game.

In hebrew, the same characters are used for letters and numbers. So you can treat a word as a number. Gematria is supposedly a way of finding hidden meanings in the words of the Torah; by converting between words and numbers, summing words and sentences, and other such tricks, you can find new words and new meanings.

It's not a complete waste of time. Often when I'm working and I hit a brick wall, I might try playing with something like gematria. Not because I think that there's any "hidden knowlege" that's going to be revealed to me, but because I often get caught in a bit of an intellectual rut - that is, I apprach things in a particular way, and that way isn't working. So throwing a bit of randomness and free association into the process can help me to find a different way of looking at my problem. It lets me exploit the way that the human brain naturally searches for patterns and associations, by giving it something different to stare at.

But that's sort of the point: it doesn't reveal anything special or magical. There are no deep truths revealed by playing word and number games, any more than there are deep truths in a crossword puzzle or a sudoku.

And to make matters worse for the moron who sent me mail, he's playing all sorts of stupid games with allegedly biblical texts - but he's doing it in english. Even if you're the sort of person who believes in magic codes embedded in the bible, the idea that they wouldn't be revealed in the original text, but in some third generation translation - well, it's just pathetic.
So here he is - the bozo, in his own words, with a bit'o'mockery mixed in for fun.

Signs and symmetry in reality:
Do signs create symmetry in reality?
Mar 8:12 And he sighed deeply in his spirit, and saith, Why doth this generation seek after a sign? verily I say unto you, There shall no sign be given unto this generation.
Mat 12:39 But he answered and said unto them, An evil and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and there shall no sign be given to it, but the sign of the prophet Jonas:

Mat 12:40 For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale's belly; so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart (middle, center, my words) of the earth.
O = no sign
O = one sign
O has no beginning and no end.
O is in the middle of GOD. (nothing in me)
Jhn 14:30 Hereafter I will not talk much with you: for the prince of this world cometh, and hath
nothing in me.

I believe in an IDOL. (Intelligent designer of life)
I believe he (or she) created time, size, and direction. (reality) Because each is infinite, each has a reference point in the middle. (zero)

Yes folks, everything infinite has a middle.

Mankind has six (6) senses, contacts with reality.(The 6th is balance)
Each has a reference point in the middle (zero)
The word “level” is symmetrical with v in the middle of eve.

Overlaps between english words derived from vulgar latin and poorly transliterated from hebrew are clearly profoundly meaningful occurences. And the sense of taste has "a reference point in the middle".

A builder’s level is level when the bubble is in the middle.
If one is not sure it’s accurate, turn the level 180 degrees.
It should read the same.
If I open a bank account with $100 dollars and then write
a check for $100 dollars, my balance is real, zero.
Mankind has 3 faces. The middle one is zero.(indifference)
The two ends are infinite. (plus & minus) (love & hate)
Rev 3:15 I know thy works, that thou art neither
cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
Rev 3:16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and
neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
In other words, “Love me or hate me. Just don’t sit on the fence”.

This part I can't even make enough sense out of to mock.

Every living thing is symmetrical. Even a "flounder"
when it's born, has two (2) sides and a "fold",
a reference point in the middle.

Every living thing is symmetrical. Except of course, for the things that aren't, like the
cnidiarians and poriferans.

Every living thing is symmetrical because the center
of heaven is symmetrical just like the name of the
"mother of all living", Eve.

Actually, Eve is a lousy transliteration from hebrew by way of Greek and Latin; the original name is "Chava", which isn't symmetrical in any way.

The tree of life, who bares her fruit every month, is unique partly because her leaves are symmetrical. She also has deep roots.

Because most trees don't have symmetrical leaves. (I don't know of any trees that don't have symmetrical leaves, but hey, what do I know?)

Rev 22:2 In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river,(symmetry, my words) [was there] the tree of life, which bare twelve [manner of] fruits, [and] yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree [were] for the healing of the nations.
Life 101...Noah brought his family and every living animal into the ark by pairs.
(plus one) plus (minus one) = zero

Again, not enough coherence to even mock really.

If a = 1, b = 2, c =3, etc., then the following values are true:
Jesus (74)( gd) (beginning & end) divided by 2 (folded once) = fold, cg (37) See also Zec. 9:9

Yeah, if you take a name which is a lousy transliteration of "Yeshua"; and you play gematria games with it, you can get a mispelling of the word of "god"... And something else, which makes no sense.

Psa 37:37 Mark the perfect [man], and behold the upright: for the end of [that] man [is] peace.

Well, I can't really complain about the idea that Mark is the perfect man. Oh wait, that's not what he meant...

God’s name, “I Am that I Am” is symmetrical. Just by coincidence, “that” has the same numerical value as “sign”(49), which equals God (26) plus I Am (23).

No, it isn't. In fact, it's four characters in hebrew - Y H V H. Not symmetrical. Sorry. Bzzt.

I Am equals “end” and also “IN”, the first, second, and last letters in the bible.

I have no idea of what bible he's using, so I can't tell what the last word is, but the first word? It's not "in", it's "B'reshit". So the first letter is the hebrew B.

“Noah” equals “gold” (God + 12)
I Am + I Am + I Am = I Am IN I Am (Jehovah) or (In Vain).(69)
1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9+10+11+12 =78 (3 X God ) (I have chosen you 12) Check out the breast
plate of the high priest, or the first 12 numbers on a roulette table. The middle 12 numbers = 3
x Jesus. The total of all 3 twelves = 666.
666 + 12 = 678 ( 3 x God + 3 x Jesus + 3 x Az, first and last or 126)
1 through 36 plus Zero plus double zero = 38 numbers.
God + 12 (o8) = gold (38) (What the mercy seat is made of)
38 = Noah (last, first, and o)
3 X God (704) = 2112 ( U 12 ) (11 hid in 3 measures)
Jesus + fold = 111 (11 hid in 3 measures)
Mat 13:33 Another parable spake he unto them; The kingdom of heaven is like unto leaven, which a woman took, and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened.
Eve + 22 = God (54), (love), (leaven hid in 3 measures)
Eve x 22 = God (704) (leaven hid in 3 measures) also (11 hid in 3 measures)
Christ (77) hidden in Eve:
E V E
5 22 5
52 + 25

Yes, it's more lousy pseudo-gematria based on lousy translations/transliterations from and through other languages. And he *keeps going*. This crap I've posted is only the first third of the pile of steaming gibberish he sent me.

Can you imagine how much time this bozo spent doing this? It's a fine demonstration that the doctors in the asylum are giving the patients far too much free time with the computers.